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If you've ever noticed, when Bart Simpson is writing
something 100,000 times on the chalkboard as a punishment in
the opening sequence of the Simpsons, he is always writing
something different -- and often quite hilarious. These are
the collected writings of Bart Simpson from the chalkboard
exercises during the opening credits:
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I will not carve gods.
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I will not aim for the head.
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I will not barf unless I'm sick.
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I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
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I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
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I will not conduct my own fire drills.
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Funny noises are not funny.
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I will not fake seizures.
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This punishment is not boring and pointless.
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I will not defame New Orleans.
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I will not prescribe medication.
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I will not bring sheep to class.
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A burp is not an answer.
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I will not sell miracle cures.
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I will return the seeing-eye dog.
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I do not have diplomatic immunity.
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I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
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I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
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My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
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I am not deliciously saucy.
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Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
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I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
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I will not instigate revolution.
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They are laughing at me, not with me.
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I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
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I will not torment the emotionally frail.
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