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It's
long but it is inspired. From www.visi.com/~phantos/mst3k.html.
The first section is a legit article...the second is the article done
as an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000.
*****
Is America Becoming a Pagan Nation?
Paul M. Weyrich
July 6, 1999
A few weeks ago the Free Congress Foundation stood up for our
Judeo-Christian heritage and opposed the decision by the U.S.
Army to permit the Wiccan religion to hold services on base.
The Army is even considering chaplains for the Wiccans.
The Wiccans are an ancient pagan religion run by covens of
witches. They invoke pagan "gods" to support their causes. If
that's not bad enough, the Army has even listed the Church of
Satan among its approved religions for holding services on
base.
A few organizations joined us in our call for a boycott of
Army recruitment until this matter is settled. We are, after
all, a country where military service is voluntary. Do
Christian or religious Jewish parents want to send their kids
off to the military only to have them proselytized by a pagan
religion? I think not. When we go to war, even a war we
dislike, such as the war in Kosovo, we implore the God of our
fathers to watch over our men and women in the armed
services. If the Army permits prayers to pagan "gods" how
long will it be that God's blessing will continue to be upon
His people?
I have heard from every Wiccan in the country about this.
They may be a small group but they are well organized.
Christians and religious Jews, with the exception of the few
organizations that have joined us, have been silent on this
issue until now.
Rev. Pat Robertson has acted and spoken. First off, his
representative signed on to our statement on the Wiccans. But
the next day, the Washington office pulled their name from
the list of organizations supporting the boycott. That order
came from headquarters. Now that former Interior Secretary
Don Hodel is no longer running Christian Coalition, decisions
like that are being made by Robertson himself. Robertson
wasn't content to be neutral on the subject. No, he has now
supported the right of Wiccans to hold their services on
military bases.
"I'm not worried about a little coven of witches running
around...[R]ather than suppress us all, we might give them
their freedom", said Robertson.
There we have it. Moral equivalency. Robertson's 700 Club
Television program sent a crew to cover the Military Pagan
Network's full moon prayer circle near the Jefferson
Memorial, according to the PR Newswire. John Machete of the
Military Pagan Network said "Religious tolerance is the price
of religious freedom for all. We are pleased that the
Christian Broadcasting Network attended our press event.
Their story was fair and balanced. We thank Rev. Robertson
for his support of religious freedom," Machete told the PR
newswire.
Christians, it seems, should not speak with a loud voice
against pagan practices. Christians should be tolerant of
what historically has been considered evil. I have news for
Pat Robertson and the rest of the feminized Christians out
there. When good remains silent in the face of evil, evil
eventually triumphs over good.
For over 220 years we did not depend on the approbation of
witches to assert the Jewish or Christians faiths in our
military. Why now? What is next, you ask? Rep. Bob Barr of
Georgia has the answer. The Army is now going to permit
so-called Indian religions to use peyote, a controlled
illegal substance, in the conduct of their services on
military bases. How would you like to send your son up in a
military plane piloted by someone who just used peyote in his
so-called religious service?
No, paganism isn't just another religion. If you doubt this,
read the Old Testament. Who are the witnesses? Moses proved
more than once to Pharaoh whose God was the real God. Or ask
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. There are many, many other
witnesses as well. You get the point.
If those of us who believe in the one true God tolerate this,
we will have taken another step toward becoming a Pagan
nation. We might recall that the Pagans held the Jews captive
for Centuries. We might recall how the Pagans tortured the
Christians for Centuries until the Emperor Constantine, equal
to the Apostles, legalized Christianity.
Do we really want to go down this road? I'll make this
prediction. If we do, Rev. Robertson will be the first to be
persecuted when the time comes.
Paul Weyrich is president of the Free Congress Foundation.
Contact: Robert McFarland 202.546.3000
rmcfarland@freecongress.org
Visit Our Website at http://www.FreeCongress.org
Copyright * Free Congress Foundation 1999 All Rights Reserved
Subscribe OR Renew Your Favorite Publications and Save Money!
Subscribe to McCalls for just $10 a year -- a $5.94 savings.
Visit NewsMax.com Magazines Now!
*****
--------------------------------------------------------------
(.....6.....)
(.....5.....)
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(.....3.....)
(.....2.....)
(.....1.....)
(Theater Interior. The net-rant slowly loads on the screen as the guys
walk in and take their seats.)
>>Is America Becoming a Pagan Nation?
CROW:
Now, is he talking about "Pagan" in the original Latin, meaning
"Rural", or the modern "I traipse about in the woods worshiping
Pan"?
MIKE: Probably the latter, Crow.
TOM: What's wrong with worshiping Pan? Personally, I always use
it as a low-fat alternative to butter or cooking oil...
MIKE: That's "Pam", Tom...
TOM: Pam ... Pan; all I care about is that my lemon chicken doesn't
stick.
>> Paul M. Weyrich
CROW: (pointing at the screen) Why, a cruel imp!
TOM: I see it more as this article being "a wry, chump lie".
MIKE: (sighing and shaking his head) Guys, don't you have better
things to do than play with anagrams?
TOM: (shaking his head) Nope.
CROW: Not while reading this stuff...
>> July 6, 1999
TOM:
Must've been a slow news day.
>> A few weeks ago the Free Congress Foundation stood up for our
>> Judeo-Christian heritage and opposed the decision by the U.S.
>> Army to permit the Wiccan religion to hold services on base.
MIKE:
(dryly) And thanks to the Free Congress Foundation, it was a great day
for the First Amendment.
>> The Army is even considering chaplains for the Wiccans.
CROW:
Charlie Chaplain was a Wiccan?!!
MIKE: He probably had to keep silent about it...
>> The Wiccans are an ancient pagan religion run by covens of
>> witches. They invoke pagan "gods" to support their
causes.
TOM:
Nice to see at least *someone* has a direct line to the Powers That Be...
>> If that's not bad enough, the Army has even listed the Church
of
>> Satan among its approved religions for holding services on
>> base.
TOM:
So the Army doesn't discriminate in who it gets to do it's killing. So
what?
CROW: What does the Church of Satan have to do with this anyway?
MIKE: Well, a lot of contemporary extremists still believe that
anyone not worshiping Jehovah is somehow actively serving Satan.
TOM: So, the Eleventh Commandment reads "If you aren't for
me, you're against me"?
MIKE: (sighing) For some people it does, Tom...
>> A few organizations joined us in our call for a boycott of
>> Army recruitment until this matter is settled.
CROW:
(in an impassioned voice) By God, I love this country so much I'll weaken
it before I give in to tolerance and understanding!
TOM: (in a similar tone) I won't have *my* sons and daughters serving
alongside Hindus!
MIKE: Uh, Tom, that's Wiccans.
TOM: You think that matters to Weyrich?
MIKE: Uh, probably not. Carry on...
>> We are, after
>> all, a country where military service is voluntary.
TOM:
Unless you count Vietnam...
>> Do Christian or religious Jewish parents want to send their kids
>> off to the military only to have them proselytized by a pagan
>> religion?
CROW:
Wait a minute... Wiccans don't proselytize; it's against their beliefs!
MIKE: Oh, don't worry Crow. Weyrich is probably just projecting
his own insecurities.
TOM: (butting in) Or lying.
CROW: Either way, shouldn't he be seeking out therapy?
MIKE: Probably.
>> I think not. When we go to war, even a war we
>> dislike, such as the war in Kosovo, we implore the God of our
>> fathers to watch over our men and women in the armed
>> services.
MIKE:
What about the God of our mothers?
TOM: Or the God of our uncles?
CROW: Or the God of our second cousin's neighbor Charlie who had
that hernia operation last week?
>>
If the Army permits prayers to pagan "gods" how
>> long will it be that God's blessing will continue to be upon
>> His people?
TOM:
Well, if centuries of Holy Wars, theological bigotry and religious hypocrisy
haven't swayed Him yet, I doubt if this'll have much of an impact...
>> I have heard from every Wiccan in the country about this.
(The
guys start laughing.)
MIKE: Man, this guy's mailbox must be busier than Santa Claus'...
>> They may be a small group but they are well organized.
CROW:
I guess he's never heard the saying that "Organizing Pagans is like
herding cats".
>> Christians and religious Jews, with the exception of the few
>> organizations that have joined us, have been silent on this
>> issue until now.
TOM:
Yes, they have something called "lives".
>> Rev. Pat Robertson has acted and spoken.
TOM:
Oh, great.
CROW: Here we go...
>> First off, his
>> representative signed on to our statement on the Wiccans.
MIKE:
(in an bad, English-accented falsetto) We've found a Witch! May we burn
her?
>> But the next day, the Washington office pulled their name from
>> the list of organizations supporting the boycott.
ALL:
(shocked) Hunh?!!
>> That order
>> came from headquarters. Now that former Interior Secretary
>> Don Hodel is no longer running Christian Coalition, decisions
>> like that are being made by Robertson himself.
CROW:
(still stunned) Well, yeah, but ... but...
MIKE: Hold on Crow, this may be a bit weird, but I'm sure Pat'll
do
*something* intolerant by the end of it.
>> Robertson wasn't content to be neutral on the subject.
TOM:
Oh, like Pat Robertson has ever been known to have a neutral
position on something...
>> No, he has now
>> supported the right of Wiccans to hold their services on
>> military bases.
CROW:
What?
TOM: You mean Robertson actually did something right?
MIKE: (sounding nervous) Guys, did we accidentally slip into the
Mirror-Mirror universe here?
>> "I'm not worried about a little coven of witches running
>> around...[R]ather than suppress us all, we might give them
>> their freedom", said Robertson.
TOM:
Cool! Covens of tiny Witches! Mike, can I get one?
MIKE: I dunno Tom; remember what happened to your Sea Monkeys?
CROW: Y'know guys, you gotta admit Pat's really acting enlightened
here...
TOM: Think he'll start speaking out on behalf of Gays in the Military?
MIKE: I think it's a bit early to hope for that, Tom...
>>
There we have it. Moral equivalency.
TOM:
No; there we have a recognition that America isn't a theocracy.
>> Robertson's 700 Club
>> Television program sent a crew to cover the Military Pagan
>> Network's full moon prayer circle near the Jefferson
>> Memorial, according to the PR Newswire.
TOM:
(singing) I see a Full Moon arisin'...!
>> John Machete
CROW:
...third cousin of Mack the Knife...
>> of the Military Pagan Network said "Religious tolerance
is
> >the
price
>> of religious freedom for all. We are pleased that the
>> Christian Broadcasting Network attended our press event.
CROW:
Y'know, I'm reading that sentence over and over again, but it's just not
computing.
MIKE: (patting CROW's shoulder) I know, Crow... I never thought
I'd see those words strung together either.
>> Their story was fair and balanced. We thank Rev. Robertson
>> for his support of religious freedom," Machete told the
PR
>> newswire.
CROW:
(in an amazed tone of voice) Man, this is almost as surreal as the Bob
Dole/Log Cabin Republicans thing...
>> Christians, it seems, should not speak with a loud voice
>> against pagan practices. Christians should be tolerant of
>> what historically has been considered evil.
MIKE:
And with tolerance like Pat Robertson's, we're only steps away from cavorting
with Satan himself!
>> I have news for
>> Pat Robertson and the rest of the feminized Christians out
>> there.
TOM:
(perplexed) "Feminized Christians"?
MIKE: Sounds like something out of "The Bionic Woman".
CROW: Look out! It's Dr. Franklin and his Fem-Christians!
>> When good remains silent in the face of evil, evil
>> eventually triumphs over good.
CROW:
So much for the "all-powerful" aspects of Jehovah...
>> For over 220 years we did not depend on the approbation of
>> witches to assert the Jewish or Christians faiths in our
>> military. Why now?
MIKE:
Uh, because they were busy being persecuted, hunted and slaughtered by
nuts like you?
>> What is next, you ask?
TOM:
Tofu-burgers!
CROW: A new Jack Lemmon / Walter Matthau comedy!
MIKE: A female president of the United States!
>> Rep. Bob Barr of
>> Georgia has the answer.
TOM:
The instigator of the "Defense of Marriage Act"? I sincerely
doubt it...
>> The Army is now going to permit
>> so-called Indian religions to use peyote, a controlled
>> illegal substance, in the conduct of their services on
>> military bases.
TOM:
Man, Weyrich really has trouble wrapping his brain around that "all
religions are valid in America" concept, doesn't he?
MIKE: Well for him, wrapping his brain around *anything* is probably
like over-stuffing an egg-roll...
>> How would you like to send your son up in a
>> military plane piloted by someone who just used peyote in his
>> so-called religious service?
CROW:
Oh, I dunno... Probably about the same as if the pilot had just been imbibing
the "Blood of our Savior"...
TOM: Y'know, this guy uses the words "so-called" to describe
other
people's beliefs an awful lot. You think he has a superiority complex?
MIKE: Either that or he's running out of pejorative adjectives.
>>
No, paganism isn't just another religion. If you doubt this,
>> read the Old Testament.
TOM:
Ah yes... The Old Testament. Last refuge of the theologically
intolerant.
CROW: Isn't it a bit biased to look to one religion for an account
of another?
MIKE: Oh, I dunno. I think I could get a pretty good view of Born-Again
Fundamentalism by reading the "Principia Dischordia".
>> Who are the witnesses? Moses proved
>> more than once to Pharaoh whose God was the real God. Or ask
>> Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.
TOM:
As long as you can stop laughing at their names long enough, that is...
>> There are many, many other
>> witnesses as well. You get the point.
CROW:
Sure we do! The verbatim, literal interpretations of apocryphal, ancient
stories from the Middle East must be true...
MIKE: Well, if so I hope he didn't write this essay on a Sunday
or he's in big trouble...
>> If those of us who believe in the one true God tolerate this,
>> we will have taken another step toward becoming a Pagan
>> nation.
TOM:
Take my word for it! Tolerance and understanding will destroy us all!
>> We might recall that the Pagans held the Jews captive
>> for Centuries. We might recall how the Pagans tortured the
>> Christians for Centuries until the Emperor Constantine, equal
>> to the Apostles, legalized Christianity.
CROW:
We might recall how the Christians burned, tortured and slaughtered European
Pagans for centuries until forcing them into hiding...
MIKE: Besides, it wasn't because they were Jews or Christians that
they were persecuted by Pagans... Rome went after everyone...
TOM: (sighing) Tell that to the religiously inspired nut who wrote
this, Mike. I have the feeling he wouldn't care.
>> Do we really want to go down this road?
CROW:
(singing) Follow the yellow-brick road! Follow the yellow-brick road!
TOM: (in a Margaret Hamilton cackle) I'll get you my pretties!
And your little God too!
>> I'll make this prediction.
TOM:
Whoops, and now he's making predictions! Looks like he's violating all
sorts of Old Testament laws...!
>>
If we do, Rev. Robertson will be the first to be
>> persecuted when the time comes.
MIKE:
Y'know, that kinda sounds like a threat.
CROW: Nice to know that the ever-compassionate religious right
can come together in these moments of spiritual crisis.
>>
Paul Weyrich is president of the Free Congress Foundation.
CROW/TOM:
(chanting) Free Congress! Free Congress! Attica! Attica!
>> Contact: Robert McFarland 202.546.3000
TOM:
Cool! We've got Freddy Kreuger's home phone number!
MIKE: Actually, he was played by Robert Englund, Tom.
TOM: Yeah, but I'm *still* going stick my tongue out through the
receiver at him...
CROW: (quietly) You have a tongue?
>> rmcfarland@freecongress.org
>>
>> Visit Our Website at http://www.FreeCongress.org
MIKE:
Or, for an alternate view, http://www.witchvox.com/.
>>
Copyright * Free Congress Foundation 1999 All Rights Reserved
>> --------------------------------------------------------------
TOM:
Please detach along the dotted line and mail, with your payment, to Free
Congress!
CROW: Yes, for just the price of a cup of coffee a day, you too
can help support the capture and release program to return Capitol Hill
politicians to their natural environments...
>>
Subscribe OR Renew Your Favorite Publications and Save Money!
>>
>> Subscribe to McCalls for just $10 a year -- a $5.94 savings.
>> Visit NewsMax.com Magazines Now!
CROW: Hunh?
TOM: What th'...?
MIKE: So, first we call for the abolition of the Wiccan religion
in
America and then segue in an advertisement for McCalls?
(MIKE picks up TOM and starts to leave.)
CROW: I wonder if NewsMax.com carries "The Green Egg"
or "Gnosis"?
(They leave the theater.)
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