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Pick one faith and stay with it. Dilettantism is the
mark of an amateur.
-
Familiarize yourself with the specifications for
sacrificial victims, and ensure that unacceptable
substitutes cannot be unexpectedly introduced into the
ceremony.
-
If the penalty for not-to-specs work is death and/or
mutilation, consider working for a more fault-tolerant
deity.
-
Avoid needless embarrassment. Practice the correct
pronunciation of your deity's name in the privacy of
your own room before chanting it in public. Flash cards
are often helpful.
-
Before agreeing to impregnation by a supernatural
being, investigate the survival rate of the other women
who have undergone the procedure.
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Never invoke anything bigger than your head.
-
Eschew deities whose followers are all young; such
faith groups usually employ an unpleasant retirement
procedure.
-
Avoid all cabalistic jewelry over ten pounds in weight
- it attracts unwelcome attention from tourists,
policemen, various supernatural creatures, and can be
downright dangerous during thunderstorms. Its jingling
also tends to warn the hero of your approach.
-
Citronella candles may not be used in rituals. I
cannot stress this enough. Pastel colored candles in
the shape of cute animals are like direct sunlight to
the Powers of Darkness.
-
Fluorescent lighting is very annoying to most
netherworldly creatures.
-
When the Black Mass goes awry, stay away from the Evil
Priest. Enraged demons always go for the pompous.
-
When a religious artifact begins emitting light, CLOSE
YOUR EYES. Thousands of cult members could be saved
every year if they followed this simple safety tip.
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When mutilating cattle, avoid the ones with testicles.
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During ritual sacrificing, taking bits home for later
is now generally considered "bad form."
-
Contrary to historical belief, drugs and invocations
do not mix. When the ritual goes awry, it is vitally
necessary to be able to discern between the gibbering
monstrosity to pump full of silver bullets and the
gibbering monstrosity that will fade away after a few
hours, some B complex, and a good hot bath.
-
Piety and belief are powerful things, and few forces
in nature, can stand against one who is true to his
faith, his god/goddess, and the deal made in exchange
for the soul. However, it is also true that gods tend
toside with the heaviest artillery, so be prepared to
change sides at the drop of a hat.
-
For those situations where a fresh, living, sacrifice
is not available, the lower ranks of demons can be
fooled by microwaving a previously frozen chunk of
ex-victim and cleverly jiggling it. However, a mock
victim sculpted from SPAM is unacceptable.
-
Instead of picking human victims who are young,
virginal and innocent (and tend to turn out to be the
Hero's girlfriend), see if you can substitute mass
murderers, lawyers, and other people who won't be
missed.