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I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when
he's on the toilet.
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The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
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I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm
lying under the coffee table.
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I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
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I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE
entering the house.
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I will not eat the cats' food, before, or after, they
eat it.
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I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of
carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
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I will not throw up in the car.
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I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
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The litter box is not a cookie jar.
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I will not wake up Mommy by putting my cold, wet nose
up her bottom end.
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I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell
them.
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I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the
red ones, or my people will think that I am
hemorrhaging.
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When in the car, I will not insist on having the
window rolled down when it's raining outside.
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I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of
someone who is sitting on the toilet.
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We do not have a doorbell. Therefore, I will not bark
each time I hear one on the television.
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I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over
the back yard with them.
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The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom &
Dad's laps.
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My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
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I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in
for Mom's driver's license and car registration.