ask mr. language person

For those of you unfortunate enough to not be familiar with Dave Barry, my condolences. This page is a tribute to the best of his "Ask Mr. Language Person" columns.

From alert readers:

• David Davidson sent an article from the Tybee News containing this statement about the mayor of Tybee Island, Ga.: "He also said an older woman suffered a broken hip when a dog pounced on her and read a long letter from someone supporting the dog ban."

• Tim O'Marra sent in an article from the Skagit Valley (Wash.) Herald containing this sentence: "Suspecting the action was suspicious, the officer ordered both of them to raise their hands."

• Chaz Liebowitz sent in an article from the Miami Herald that begins: "Davie police are searching for a man with a .25-caliber semi-automatic handgun to rob a convenience store Wednesday."

• Several readers sent in an article from the Richmond Times-Dispatch concerning a dump truck driver who "dropped more than 59,000 pounds of processed human excrement on Interstate 295" and was charged with "failure to contain his load."

• Sue Colson sent in a "Police Blotter" item from the Port AransasCQ (Tex.) South Jetty, consisting entirely of this fascinating statement: "No goat was found in the trunk of a vehicle when an officer responded to a complaint on East Avenue G at about 1:20 p.m."

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