A Little Night Music: A Weekend in the Country

PETRA:
Look, ma'am, an invitation, here, ma'am, delivered by hand.
And, ma'am, I notice the stationary's engraved and very grand.

ANNE:
Petra, how too exciting! Just when I need it!
Petra, such elegant writing, so chic you hardly can read it!
What do you think? Who can it be?
Even the ink-- No, here, let me...

"Your presence"--just think of it, Petra!
"Is kindly"--it's at a chateau!
"Requested"--etcet'ra, etcet'ra,
"Madame Leonora Armf--" Oh, no!

A weekend in the country--

PETRA:
We're invited?

ANNE
What a horrible plot!
A weekend in the country--

PETRA:
I'm excited!

ANNE:
No, you're not.

PETRA:
A weekend in the country, just imagine--

ANNE:
It's completely depraved.

PETRA:
A weekend in the country!

ANNE:
It's insulting.

PETRA:
It's engraved.

ANNE:
It's that woman, it's that Armfeldt!

PETRA:
Oh, the actress?

ANNE: No, the ghoul!
She may hope to make her charm felt,
But she's mad if she thinks I would be such a fool
As to weekend in the country.

PETRA:
How insulting!

ANNE:
And I've nothing to wear.
A weekend in the country--
The last place I'm going is there.

*

PETRA:
Guess what? An invitation!

ANNE:
Guess who? Begins with an "A."
"Armfeldt"--is that a relation
To the decrepit Desiree?

PETRA:
Guess when we're asked to go, sir?
See, sir, the date there.
Guess where? A fancy chateau, sir!

ANNE:
Guess, too, who's lying in wait there,
Setting her traps, fixing her face--

FREDRIK:
Darling, perhaps a change of pace--

ANNE:
Oh, no!

FREDRIK:
A weekend in the country
Would be charming, and the air would be fresh.

ANNE:
A weekend with that woman?

FREDRIK:
In the country--

ANNE:
In the flesh.

FREDRIK:
I've some business with her mother.

PETRA:
See, it's business.

ANNE:
Oh, no doubt!
But the business with her mother
Would be hardly the business I'd worry about.

FREDRIK & PETRA:
Just a weekend in the country--

FREDRIK:
Smelling jasmine--

ANNE:
Watching little things grow.

FREDRIK & PETRA:
A weekend in the country.

ANNE:
Go!

FREDRIK:
My darling, we'll simply say no.

ANNE:
Oh.

*

ANNE:
A weekend!

CHARLOTTE:
How very amusing.

ANNE:
A weekend!

CHARLOTTE:
But also inept.

ANNE:
A weekend; of course we're refusing.

CHARLOTTE:
Au contraire! You must accept!

ANNE:
Oh, no!

CHARLOTTE:
A weekend in the country--

ANNE:
But it's frightful!

CHARLOTTE:
No, you don't understand.
A weekend in the country is delightful if it's planned.
Wear your hair down, and a flower,
Don't use makeup, dress in white.
She'll grow older by the hour
And be hopelessly shattered by Saturday night.
Spend a weekend in the country.

ANNE:
We'll accept it!

CHARLOTTE:
I'd a feeling you would.

ANNE & CHARLOTTE:
A weekend in the country--

ANNE:
Yes, it's only polite that we should.

CHARLOTTE:
Good.

*

CARL-MAGNUS:
Well?

CHARLOTTE:
I've an intriguing little social item.

CARL-MAGNUS:
Well?

CHARLOTTE:
Out of the Armfeldt family manse.

CARL-MAGNUS:
Well, what?

CHARLOTTE:
Merely a weekend, still,
I thought it might amuse you to know who's invited to go,
This time with his pants.

CARL-MAGNUS:
You don't mean...

CHARLOTTE:
I'll give you three guesses.

CARL-MAGNUS:
She wouldn't...

CHARLOTTE:
Reduce it to two.

CARL-MAGNUS:
It can't be...

CHARLOTTE:
It nevertheless is.

CARL-MAGNUS:
Egerman!

CHARLOTTE:
Right! Score one for you.

CARL-MAGNUS:
A-ha!

CHARLOTTE:
A-ha!

CARL-MAGNUS:
A-ha...

CHARLOTTE:
A-ha?

CARL-MAGNUS:
A weekend in the country, we should try it.

CHARLOTTE:
How I wish we'd been asked.

CARL-MAGNUS:
A weekend in the country, peace and quiet--

CHARLOTTE:
We'll go masked.

CARL-MAGNUS:
A weekend in the country...

CHARLOTTE:
Uninvited? They'll consider it odd.

CARL-MAGNUS:
A weekend in the country, I'm delighted.

CHARLOTTE:
Oh, my god.

CARL-MAGNUS:
And the shooting should be pleasant
If the weather's not too rough.
Happy birthday, it's your present.

CHARLOTTE:
But--

CARL-MAGNUS:
You haven't been getting out nearly enough.
And a weekend in the country--

CHARLOTTE:
It's perverted!

CARL-MAGNUS:
Pack my quiver and bow.

CHARLOTTE & CARL-MAGNUS:
A weekend in the country--

CARL-MAGNUS:
At exactly 2:30, we go.

CHARLOTTE:
We can't.

CARL-MAGNUS:
We shall!

CHARLOTTE:
We shan't!

CARL-MAGNUS:
I'm getting the car and we're motoring down.

CHARLOTTE:
Yes, I'm certain you are, and I'm staying in town.

CARL-MAGNUS: ANNE:
Go and pack my suits! We'll go.

CHARLOTTE: PETRA:
I won't! Oh, good!

CARL-MAGNUS: FREDRIK:
My boots! We will? Pack everything I own that shoots!

ANNE: CHARLOTTE:
We should. No! Pack everything white.

CARL-MAGNUS: PETRA:
Charlotte! Ma'am, it's wonderful news!

CHARLOTTE: FREDRIK:
I'm thinking it out. Are you sure it's all right?

CARL-MAGNUS: ANNE:
Charlotte! We'd be rude to refuse.

CHARLOTTE: FREDRIK:
There's no need to shout. Then we're off!

PETRA: CARL-MAGNUS:
We are? Charlotte!

FREDRIK: CHARLOTTE:
We'll take the car! All right, then--

ALL:
We're off on our way, what a beautiful day
For a weekend in the country, how amusing, how delightfully droll.
A weekend in the country, while we're losing our control.
A weekend in the country, how enchanting, on the manicured lawns.
A weekend in the country, with the panting and the yawns.
With the crickets and the pheasants, and the orchards and the hay,
With the servants and the peasants,
We'll be laying our plans while we're playing croquet
For a weekend in the country, so inactive that one has to lie down.
A weekend in the country where--

HENRIK:
A weekend in the country, the bees in their hives,
The shallow worldly figures, the frivolous lives.
The devil's companions know not whom they serve,
It might be instructive to observe.

ALL:
The weather is spectacular!
We're off on our way, what a beautiful day!
With riotous laughter we quietly suffer
The season in town, which is reason enough for
How amusing, how delightfully droll.
A weekend in the country, while we're losing our control.
A weekend in the country, how enchanting, on the manicured lawns.
A weekend in the country, with the panting and the yawns.
With the crickets and the pheasants and the orchards and the hay,
With the servants and the peasants,
We'll be laying our plans while we're playing croquet
For a weekend in the country, so inactive that one has to lie down.
A weekend in the country where--

We're twice as upset as in
Twice as upset as in
Twice as upset as in
Twice as upset as in...
Town!