Lester
I know that I didn't always used to feel this ... sedated. But its
never too late to get it back.
Angela
I am so sick of people taking their insecurities out on me.
Lester
Oh, all right, shoot me, I was whacking off. That's right, I was
choking the bishop. Chafing the carrot. You know, saying hi to my
monster.
Lester
This hasn't been a marriage for years, but you were happy as long as
I kept my mouth shut. Well guess what. I've changed.
Lester
Its a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to
surprise yourself.
Lester
You're one to talk, you bloodless, money-grubbing freak.
Lester
Brad, for 14 years I've been a whore for the advertising industry.
The only way I could save myself now is if I start firebombing.
Lester's boss
Man, you are one twisted fuck.
Lester
No, I'm just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose.
Drive-through Chick
It's only counter.
Lester
Good. I'm looking for the least possible amount of responsibility.
Ricky
It's like God is looking right at you, just for a second. And if
you're careful, you can look back.
Jane
And what do you see?
Ricky
Beauty.
Lester
I'm sick and tired of being treated as if I don't exist.
Lester
The car I've always wanted, and now I have it. I rule!
Lester to Carolyn
When did you become so... joyless?... What happened to that girl who
faked seizures at frat parties when she got bored?
Lester to Carolyn
This isn't life! This is just stuff. And it has become more important
to you than living. And honey, that's just nuts.
Drive-through Chick
Whoa. You are so busted.
Lester
No. You don't get to tell me what to do ever again.
Ricky to Jane
If I had to leave tonight, would you come with me?
Ricky to Angela
She's not your friend. She's someone you use to feel better about
yourself.
Angela to Jane
At least I'm not ugly!
Ricky
Yes you are. And you're boring. And you're totally ordinary. And you
know it.
Lester
Our marriage is a commercial to show how normal we are.
Lester, closing speech
I'd always heard your entire life flashes before your eyes a second
before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all.
It stretches on forever, like an ocean of time. For me, it was lying
on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars. And yellow
leaves from the maple trees that lined our street. Or my grandmother's
hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper. And the first time I
saw my cousin Tony's brand-new Firebird. And Janie. And Janie.
...
And ... Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what
happened to me, but its hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty
in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and
it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst.
Then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then
it flows through me like rain, and I can't feel anything but gratitude
for every single moment of my stupid little life.
You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry.
You will someday.