Misc
Butters leaps out of his closet dressed as
Professor Chaos
Ha ha! Now you know my terrible secret!
Stan:
You're gay?
Cartman:
Mr. Mackey, I'm not over my teacher's tragic
death yet. I need more time. Can I go home?
Mr. Mackey:
No, Eric, what we're going to do is learn to
hide our feelings with math problems!
townsperson:
Drugs are bad; and having never used drugs, I
can tell you they do nothing for you!
Mr. Mackey:
Marijuana makes you feel low and depressed.
Homeless guy:
And you don't feel that way now?
Mr. Mackey:
Good point.
Randy:
Don't lie, Stan. It will make you sterile.
Cartman:
Can I borrow your bike, or do I have to kick
you in the nuts and steal it?
Hey, man. Somebody's got to pull that monkey
out of Wendy's ass.
Stan:
Dude. Sorry your mom's a whore.
Kyle:
Yeah. It sucks.
Cartman:
I am so pissed off right now... I am going to
fucking kill you guys. Seriously... Kill you
guys. Kill you guys.
Cartman, in his sleep:
I'm a star! I'm a star! [wakes up] Oh, god.
I'm nobody!!!
Cartman:
Well, that was a good one, God. You got me
good.
Kyle:
Jesus Tapdancing Christ! Does this ever
end?!?
Cartman:
Oh, Kyle. You just made a huge withdrawal at
the Bank of Lies.
Stan:
Dad! Mom wants you to come home!
Randy:
Not now, Stan; I'm pillaging.
Stan:
Oh my god! Phonics monkey killed Kenny!
Cartman:
Damn right he did.
Specific Episodes
Nambla
Officer Barbrady:
Wow, they've got activists for everything
these days!
Officer Barbrady:
Political prisoners? No, these are child
molesters!
1st Christmas Special
Cartman:
Screw you guys, I'm going home. Talking poo
is where I draw the line.
Kyle:
But he [Mr. Hanky] seems so real!
Counselor Mackey:
Of course he does. In your screwed-up little
mind, he's the only friend you've got!
Mr. Garrison to Mrs. Browslowski:
That's what happens when you raise your child
to be a pagan.
Cartman:
I'm not fat! I'm festively plump!
Starvin Marvin in Space
missionary:
No, Marvin. In God's language. English.
Mr. Garrison
And so children, that's why Hare Krishnas are
totally gay.
CIA agent:
Hello, Mr and Mrs Click-Click-gurk.
missionary:
Aliens? Have they heard the word of Christ?
Cartman:
No, never! It's perfect!!!
alien to missionary:
But you marklars must leave.
missionary:
But you will all burn forever in eternal
hellfire!
alien:
Yes. That's nice. Thank you for stopping bye.
