pilot
Will to Jack
Now that I'm you're moving in with me, will you do me one favor?
Change everything about your personality?
Karen
Grace? She's gone, and I'm still here, talking to myself like a crazy
person! Oh, wait, I'm still doing it!
ep 2
Will to Jack
Do you smell toast? Because I think you're having a stroke.
Jack to Will
Welcome to Cynical Island. Population: you.
season 1 misc
Grace re Ian, thoughtfully
Not smart. Doesn't need to be.
Will
You're unbelievable!
Grace
What's unbelievable? I was cheating, is it such a big step to lying?
Will
I'm sorry you feel that way.
Grace
Interesting! It had the word 'sorry' in it, and yet it still manages
to make it all my fault.
Season Two ?
Ben
You don't care?
Karen
Honey, I'd suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick. So I'm the wrong
girl to ask.
Jack
What is the traditional first anniversary gift?
Will
Paper.
Jack
Paper? But that's so boring! When gays can marry, that's the first
thing to go!
Jack
Karen, read this!
Karen
Jack. I don't read. I'm read to.
Karen
Somebody got flowers. Or as I like to call them, poor people's
jewelry.
Karen
Well, I never understood the mating rituals of the poor.
Will
I'm gay. I can worry while I'm dancing!
Jack, seriously
It's like my soul is empty.
Karen, matter-of-factly
You can go a long way on empty, baby. Trust me.
Grace
How are you?
Jack
Sad. Lonely. Fatherless. Seconds waway from recording a country album.
Grace
The level of denial is unbelievable. You people should be studied!
Will's dad
We sit around and talk about the difference between a tsunami and a
monsoon like a bunch of Micronesian hut people.
Karen
I've got to take the moral highball.
Jack
Don't you mean high ground?
Karen
That'll come right after the highball.
Nate
I've tried to have women friends, but they've always ended up...
pregnant.
Nate
I woke up in bed the other night with a third person in bed. Can you
imagine that? :looks at Karen and Jack, who look thoughtful: Ok, wrong
crowd.
Jack
Karen?
Karen, fleeing
Can't talk! Feeling something!
Karen to Grace
You've just been a series of hootes and clicks to me since breakfast.
Karen
Honey, I'm usually not this sensitive. Ride the wave.
Karen
Good Lord, a pack of cigs and a pregnancy scare, and this would be high school!
Season Three ?
Karen
I don't mean to sound negative; and I've taken six different pills, so
I shouldn't
Grace
Our lives have totally changed. I'm the married woman, giving out
dating advice, and you're the single girl, starting your life over.
Grace / Karen (whispering)
I like it. / I hate it.
both, gently I know you do.
Rosario to Karen
You pulled me out of business school, you tipsy witch!
Karen
You have to pretend to be me.
Rosario, baffled
Ok, I'll take off my top and sell my soul to the devil.
Karen
Honey, we don't have the time.
Barry
You know the best part about dating men? More slapstick.
Grace
Jack. He's not laughing at you. He's laughing with me, laughing at
you.
Jack:
Laugh! Laugh at the sad gay clown!
Grace to Karen
Here's a personality I haven't met yet. I thought I had met all of
them. What's your name?
Karen
I'm not who you think I am. I'm not good, or real. I'm evil, and
imaginary.
Jack
Why isn't there any coffee?
Karen
Same reason you don't have a wife and three kids. God wants it that
way.
Grace
Most human beings are endowed with the ability to feel emotions.
Karen
That's because they're weak.
