The Household
My friends and I were sitting in my living room one evening,
surrounded by my cats, and we began to discuss their various
personalities. What emerged from this discussion was a
twisted kind of family tree, which I present here.
His Lordship Duke Gleep
This is the most elegant, regal cat I've ever known. He
is charcoal grey, with a white splotch on his chest, and
looks as if he is wearing evening dress. Even when he is
laying on his back with his tummy exposed and chewing on his
fingernails, you are aware that this is Royalty, just royalty
in an intensely private moment.
The Dowager Duchess, Magretha
[Maggot]
I'm not sure how it works out that The Duke's wife
is the Dowager Duchess, but that is what we've got.
Maggot was born old and cranky, and she's grown into it
splendidly. Her very manner of gaining one's attention
[placing a paw on the face then unsheathing her claws until
the very tips press against the skin] is regal, the iron hand
in the velvet glove. She is the power behind the throne.
Baron Lucifer
Every royal family has at least one of these -- the fat
jolly uncle who drinks far too much ale and can't ever
keep the names quite straight. He's amiable, but never
quite sure exactly what is going on. But he will hold forth
on the glory of the English Navy, dontchaknow.
Her Serene Highness, Princess
Gagme
She's the legitimate, and for a while, only child. She
was wild in her youth -- she had a family in her teens,
although she divorced and left her children behind. Her
temper was legendary, and when she entered the room in high
temper, every member of the family quailed. Despite this
yielding of power to her, she never abused her status in the
family. It was unspoken, understood, and perfectly natural.
She is enormously fond of Uncle Lucifer, and constantly
badgers him to neaten himself up and act presentable. She is
a young lady now, and only occasionally lets her temper fly.
That place in the family has been filled... by The Terrible
Tzarina.
Tzarina Tatters, the
Terrible
Tzarina Tatters was born on the wrong side of the blanket,
to a wild hairy Russian who wooed his way into her
mother's English heart. The Revolution destroyed her
family, and she was, for a time, lost. She found her way to
her mother's relations, and now somehow finds herself
living with a room full of dreary relations in a dilapidated
castle. She still occasionally tries to flee, but her memory
of starvation and loneliness keeps her from running too
quickly.
Called the Terrible, Tatters takes her anger out on any
available target, and if none is available, she goes out and
finds one. Reasons for her anger are plentiful. She wandered
starving for an unknown amount of time, and when she came to
the Household she could barely eat a tablespoonful of food at
a time. She was skin draped loosely over sharp bones, and she
was terrified, and she was crazy. She allowed herself to be
taken in, but frequently erupted into such rages that she was
allowed to go outside for a bit, for fear that her madness
would overtake her entirely.
She finally settled down, gained weight, and developed a
bond with the Woman. The Household, however, had become the
target for her anger at her family's misfortunes, and she
kept herself at a distance, and occasionally would run away
for a night or two.
And then she came back in a state, and had to go away to the
country for a while. Now she has reluctantly accepted her
role as the youngest [and the problem] child. Orion (a
foundling who fostered at the Household) had an...
unfortunate... attraction to Tatters, who taught him an
amazing variety of very bad words. We tried to explain that
it just wouldn't ever work... she's older, she's
crazy, he's less than 1/4 her size... but his fascination
was undiminished. And not only did she not kill him, he taught her how to
play!
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